Ceiling Fan Baseball

By Chris Floyd

Dear Mr. Ernest,

This struck me as something along the lines of the Big Dumb Games which were available on your website for awhile. I'm not real sure where the tradition began, but I've been playing this in my parent's family room since I was in grade school. I don't know if you commonly share such things with visitors to your secret website, but if it seems worthy of it, you can.

For 2 or more players

Equipment:

One (1) piece of paper

One (1) ceiling fan

Some furniture

A basic understanding of the rules of baseball (without the complicated parts like the ground rule double and when to spit your tobacco)

Setup:

1) Wad up the paper into a ball.

2) Divide the players up into two teams.

3) Turn on the ceiling fan to maximum speed.

4) If you like to make this kind of thing official before starting (i.e., you don't trust your friends), determine exactly which pieces of furniture constitute which kinds of hits. (see below)

The Rules:

The team throwing the "ball" at the fan is on Offense. The specific person throwing is The Batter. A given at-bat goes like this:

The batter throws the ball at, or over and into, the ceiling fan...

* If the ball passes through the fan without being hit by the blades, the attempt is a strike.

* If the ball is nicked by the blades (i.e., you can hear it), but otherwise just drops through, it is a foul.

* If the ball is hit by the fan... it's a hit! The result depends on where the ball lands:

* If it lands on the floor, the batter is out. Pop fly, grounder to the shortstop, something like that.

* If it lands -- and stays on top of -- on a piece of furniture, then the result depends on the height and size of the surface, as per the following section (or whatever works for your players).

Scoring a hit:

Single -- Furniture which is about knee-high or lower with a sizable surface. Coffee table, sofa, easy chair, etc.

Double -- Doubles are scored on taller (waist-high) or smaller surfaces, often places like the top of the sofa's backrest or the top of the TV.

Triple -- High and/or slim surfaces such as the mantle of the fireplace, enclosed areas like one level of a bookshelf, or maybe a large-ish container like the trashcan.

Home Run! -- All those places that make people incredulous that the ball just landed there. Tops of lamps, inside hanging plant pots, the tippy-top of the tallest bookshelf. The kitchen sink. The floor two rooms away. That sort of thing.

The Rest:

Pretty much, it works like standard baseball from here on out. Each team has three outs before the next is up. Someone needs to keep track of where runners are located. Assume that runners advance the same number of bases as the batter when there's a hit (i.e., a runner on second advances home when the batter gets a double). Nine innings may or may not be the proper amount of innings -- I've found that outs tend to be common enough that games are quick and low-scoring, but I also only have one ceiling fan/room configuration worth of playtesting. Hey, what do you expect? It's a dumb game! I should have better things to do with my time!

Chris Floyd

chrisf@vr1.com

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